Gender Reveal

The irony of this blog is that while I have so many thoughts I want to document, new motherhood is hella tiring. That delicate balance between having enough time, energy, and motivation to write my thoughts down is usually...wobbly. By that, I mean that while I sometimes have time to myself once N is down for the night, I rarely also have the energy and/or motivation to write something. I've figured this out, though, and realized that for this particular season of life, my tasks will have to be abbreviated into smaller steps. Like this post. I'm writing this as I sit with the baby monitor listening to N fuss and cry because she's tired and fighting sleep while writing what I can until the clock runs out and it's time to intervene with some shush-pats.

Anyway, I started writing this poem in my head a few days ago. I was mentally going through the mounds of baby clothing we've been gifted the opportunity to give a second life to and thinking about whether I should separate and/or donate some of the more "obvious" boys clothing since we had a girl. The packrat in me asked, "...but what if you have another one? what if it's a boy?" and I kept them. It got my gears turning though - who decided that blue was a boy color and pink was a girl color? Why is it allegedly soooo much worse to prepare for a boy and have a girl than to prepare for a girl and have a boy? Why do I catch myself asking if N looks "girly enough" when I take her out despite telling myself for 2+ decades that my daughter would never be put into a box? 

Parenthood challenges all of the things you thought you believed about yourself. I really truly thought that in all my feminine energy and feminist beliefs, that it would be a no-brainer passing that confidence and uninhibited potential on to my child - more specifically, my daughter. Turns out...I've got some unlearning to do. Why do I need people to know she's a girl when we're in public? Does it even really matter, especially at this point? All of these unspoken expectations and rules around gender, learned over the course of 34 years, started cropping back up like weeds that I thought I'd gotten rid of. Now I'm more conscious about the why behind our parenting decisions, which makes it easier to imagine a world without all of these limitations and expectations. Anyway, here it is. Leave a comment or share with a friend if it resonates with you!

Gender Reveal

Blue if it’s a boy 

Pink if it’s a girl

and if you don’t know, 

maybe yellow is a good middle ground.

Blue is good for a boy. 

Blue means strong.

Like the ocean, blue is 

mystery, immensity, power.

Boys should be mysterious,

hide some things, 

don’t share it all.

They should be strong and steady, 

should never falter.

Blue is good…for boys.

Pink is good for a girl.

Pink means precious.

Like a flower, pink is 

beautiful, delicate, soft.

Girls should be pretty, 

should bend and turn to fit - 

don’t take up too much space.

They should be accommodating and sensitive, should never disrupt.

Pink is good… for girls.

I wonder, now that I’m a mother

Why can’t my daughter be blue? 

She is a girl, but she will be strong -

No, not but…and. 

AND she will be strong.

She will be strong and delicate, and powerful, and sensitive. 

She will take up space when she should, and accomodate when she needs to. 

She will make good trouble. 

And my future son, if we should be so lucky…

Why can’t he be pink? 

He might be a boy, but he will still be precious. 

No, no, not but..and. 

He will be precious AND strong.

Beautiful AND immense. 

He will stumble so he can learn,

and he will have space to share his emotions. 

He will be kind.

We did not do a gender reveal. 

We will not do one next time.

There will be no pink or blue cake,

no balloons or smoke cannons.

We will celebrate the life to come

by teaching them the colors and hues of the world

and letting them choose the ones that suit them. 

My future children will be any color they like.

Maybe they will be yellow like the sun, spreading warmth and light to everything it touches. 

Or green and lush like the rainforest,

teeming with life and wonders yet to be uncovered.

Blue is good

and pink is good.

and whatever color they become,

they will be loved.