Never Have I Ever: Postpartum Edition

When you're getting ready to have a baby, there are all kinds of places to find information to prepare yourself - books, classes, articles, and of course your OBGYN/midwife/doula. If you're lucky, you might even have a village of others who have gone through this life-changing process. Either way, there is no shortage of information on pregnancy if you know where to look. As you get closer to the finish line, you probably start preparing for the big day. Maybe you take a birthing class, or read about your options during labor and delivery, or even just talk to women who have been through it. There is a plethora of information and support for you and your baby throughout your pregnancy. All of this is amazing if you're a first-time parent! 

BUT... before you know it, you're pushing out a baby (or having one cut out of you) and being discharged from the hospital with a brand new tiny human that YOU are in charge of. 

You get home and if you're blessed with even the tiniest of villages, you might have some help. If you're really in the know (and have the $$), you might even hire a postpartum doula. As you heal, recover, and adjust to this completely new normal version of your life, a supportive and informed partner goes a long way. Knowing what to expect in your recovery, what are normal newborn behaviors,  things to look out for (like postpartum mood disorders), and when to ask for help - being able to share that mental load with your partner in the first few weeks can make an already challenging time a little easier.

When people say "postpartum" they typically mean the first 6-8 weeks after birth...but anybody who has ever birthed a child will tell you that your body really doesn't fully recover until at least a year! And even after that, there can be a whole slew of symptoms that start in late pregnancy or early postpartum that never go away. Becoming a parent for the first time is life-altering. Your entire world view and the lens through which you see your relationships changes. In the midst of all this change, my mind felt completely scrambled. It's true what they say - there is really nothing that can completely prepare you for parenthood. There are, however, several things that I think would have made the adjustment slightly less..well, miserable, if we're being brutally honest. Because it was, in the very beginning. I'm happy to say that I'm definitely not miserable anymore and mostly enjoying motherhood 5 months in. Before everything fades from memory, here are the top ten things about postpartum life that I really wish they'd covered in our childbirth class!

1) You will shake like a maraca after delivery. Not because you're cold (you'll probably be having hot flashes actually), but because of the cascade of hormones your body has released as a result of delivering a child. It is impossible to control and you kind of just have to wait for it to pass. It's pretty annoying.

2) You will be hella thirsty. I drank so much apple juice and water in recovery that they had to empty my catheter bag three times before I made it to my room after surgery! After the marathon you just performed, hydration is your friend.

3) Postpartum hemorrhaging is apparently pretty common and varies greatly in severity. I was fortunate not to lose enough blood that they needed to give me more, but it can happen. If it does happen to you, they probably won't tell you what's going on until you're out of the woods...which is probably good because panicking during labor is not good for anyone involved. 

4) As long as you take your stool softeners as prescribed, the first poo shouldn't be as scary as everyone says. If for some reason the hospital doesn't give you any, ASK FOR THEM. All the painkillers they give you are wonderful, but they will slow everything down. 

5) Having a C-section is not a small thing. It's a major freakin' surgery that cuts through seven layers of tissue and takes a long time to recover from! Honestly, I think everyone should expect a whole lot less of mamas who have had one. Of course, that is assuming you have someone to bring you food, water, and take care of all the other things that need to be done (like caring for your other tiny humans or creatures). 

6) You should carefully consider whether you want visitors in the hospital and communicate this to your support person so they can fend of unwanted guests. Some people might be open to anyone, others might not want anybody at all. For me, the last thing I wanted while I was half-exposed in my hospital gown and unable to move without assistance was pretty much anyone besides my mom and husband. To each their own, but don't be afraid to let people know if you'd prefer they wait until you're home to meet the baby!

7) Postpartum hormones are a TRIP. I can tell you all about it, but you don't really know until it happens to you. Your spouse might ask you a question or say something that ordinarily wouldn't upset you (or maybe only mildly), but in those first days home it'll send you running to the nursery rocking chair holding your face in your hands and sobbing uncontrollably. There is nothing easy about it for either parent, but it does help for your spouse to be aware of this so they can be *extra* careful not to say something dumb in those first two weeks. For me, I vacillated between sobbing at the drop of a hat to being filled with rage at my poor husband not being able to read my mind.

8) Postpartum depression and anxiety is very common - and it's NOT the same thing as "baby blues." It can look different for everyone, but if you feel like your unstable moods aren't improving after 3-4 weeks...please check in with your OBGYN and/or a mental health professional. Adjusting to motherhood/parenthood is hard enough without carrying around a big old bag of mental illness - the sooner you get help, the sooner you will start to feel like you can do this. Like Taylor Tomlinson says, there is no shame in needing your arm floaties if you need some help swimming! 

9) Your 6-week postpartum check-up will probably be very underwhelming. It's kind of a joke, if you think about it...except the joke isn't funny and nobody is laughing. You'll have what is essentially your annual exam, they'll ask how you're feeling and if you have questions, and that's pretty much it! If you never learned how to before, pregnancy and motherhood is a great time to learn how to advocate for yourself as a patient. 

10) You need a ton of support to do this with your sanity intact. My husband was my rock throughout this ongoing transition, and I am blessed to have my parents within 30 minutes of us. But don't forget about your friends - especially those who are also moms - and other people in your village. It's scary how easy it is to feel alone in this, but you don't have to be! Gather your village, keep them close, and do not be ashamed or afraid to ask for help from the people who love you.